[While Dipper rants, Mabel is right beside him, nodding, squinting, and pointing at everyone for reference. She points to her eyes, points to you, chiming in every so often with a]

YEAH! STOP BEING A BUNCH OF MURDERING JERKS AND BUTTHEADS!

[Or shuddering at the mention of Detroit. Once Dipper is finished, Mabel steps forward and whips out her stickerbook, showing rows of fun and puffy stickers. You can look, but you can't touch, for now]

See these stickers? These stickers go to people who are good, who don't murder, and who help to solve the murders!

[She angrily slaps a U DA BEST sticker on Dipper and a cactus with a hat on herself]

So if you guys don't stop murdering, no one gets a sticker!

[Insert gasps. She mimes ripping up a sticker and throwing it on the ground]

So, here's the deal. Solve the murder, you get a sticker. Don't murder, you get a sticker. Go crazy and keep killing people? No sticker.

And just think, if no one kills, next week we can have a big party in here! And we can vote on who gets to be waterballooned instead!

[Ahem, okay, focus. She closes the sticker book for now, (enjoy that taste of paradise, people) and puts it away in her sweater, which is a heart with sunglasses today, yes.]

Now everyone, listen to Dipper! Give us your alibis!!